My Mind

I am a girl that others think is weird. I love basketball and writing, I suck at math, and I have no reason to be in PE. I am different and that is okay because I am autistic and proud. Yes, it has its drawbacks but it also has so much that pushes me forward. Autism is a ‘disability’ that makes it difficult to make connections, interpret things, and understand those things. Every case is different too.

Picture this; you’re in the middle of the classroom, surrounded by other third graders. Your head aches somewhere behind your eyes. It feels like there is too much information back there and your head is going to blow. The teacher calls you to the front and smiles as you walk up to the front of the room. You’re asked to do a math problem on the board so you go up there and turn to said board. The information goes from your head and into your answer. The other kids snicker as you do it differently and the teacher looks puzzled as you hand the marker back and hurry to hide your head behind your book and arms. That happens to me a lot.

Some of the good things about my autism relate more to emotions, writing, and music. Whenever I tell people that I am autistic they ask how it is and they are intrigued by my “extremely special gift”. They focus on my use of emotions to understand things for the most part. Through the rest of this essay, that’s what I’m going to focus on too. I use emotion to tie certain subjects together. That empathy crosses over into my music and writing. My emotions often take control once I choose something to play or write about. When I have difficulty with my emotions I use music or writing to vent those emotions.

This makes it hard for me to do math and science problems, I cannot find a way to put my autism to use there in a way that I feel comfortable with. Whenever I am asked to do a math problem, I go through it in my own way and if I MUST follow a certain set of instructions in exactly that way, it is difficult to do the problem and I fall behind. I somehow make math and science problems harder as well as easier. Business problems like those seen in business classes are included in my area of struggle that relates to my autism. I’ve honestly got no clue how I do this, I just do it.

My title is ‘My Mind’, you may think that is an odd title and I don’t mind, as long as you read it. Someone asked me what I believe in and my answer was this:  “I believe Autism isn’t a complete drawback. Autism sets me free at the same time that it pulls me back.” That’s still my answer and always will be.



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